How to cope! ... with God that's how!

Well it has been a while since Ive wrote anything! boy do I need to vent. It has been a very hectic long month. changes everywhere. So like I said in the beggining, this will be my outlet. .... here it goes.

I dont think I have really explained what R.P is. It is short for retinitis pigmentosa! such an ugly name for a horrible disease!
Karen's definition : this disease affects the cone and rod cells in the retina. slowly but surely it does away with peripheral vison  and the ability to see in dim and dark places its a progressive disease that eventually leads to complete blindness. oh and most importantly there is no bloody cure!

..... well up to this weekend .... I had been feeling sorry for myself. Wishing that I had a normal life with less responsibilities. I wished I had a R.P free life. To be able to do things with my husband that we cant do now. I was throwing myself a pity party and was mad at the world for not understanding for thinking that my life was great. when I felt like it was horrible. I was even mad at God for putting me in this situation. I would cry out to him in anger and question him! "why would you give me this?" I would cry out. "im not strong I cant bear such a burden" .... I never gave God a chance to respond. I had hardened my heart. I was angry. I was bitter. Ten years of this and how many more to go? that was my mentality.

This sunday at church was amazing .... God was going to speak to me ... I liked it or not!
It began by his love just overwhelming me .... by feeling loved a genuine love. My father knew I needed to be hugged by him. To be held in his beautiful presence. "why are you trying to be strong?" he said to me?
Isn't that  what you want, I thought. Isn't that what I'm supposed to do, isn't that the whole purpose?
"no silly karen, Not at all"
I have chosen you to bear this because you have heart, because you have chosen to listen. You could of walked out a long time ago but you are still fighting the good fight, but you are trying to do this alone. You will fail without me. Grab my hand and let me lead you.
Then like a ray a light beaming from the sky it came to me!
What have I been doing?????? ..... this is not even about me! this is about you GOD! this is about bringing glory to your name. Through it all I know he walks beside me. when I want to give up all I have to do is reach out and know he will grab my hand and lead me the right way.
SO ...... R.P is part of my life I like it or not but It doesn't run  my life! I know God has bigger plans for My family and I. I will hold on to his promises!

P.S ... you can get more info on r.p at blindness.org. :)


GOD IS GOOD!

Lord bring the rain

Rain is not one of my favorite things! .... Especially right now. Everything becomes dark. Darkness is not my friend either. The carrascos try stay away from any kind of darkness. Im talking about literal darkness. Since Rene cant see in the dark. When I say the carrascos I mean all of us. My brother in law also suffers with R.P so his family copes with this too. As I sat in my room just listening to the rain .... A mini movie played in my head. All the tribulation in my life. all the heartache. Not only mine but of ppl close to me. I thought God, why? Especially today. 
I felt his presence.... "there is drought and famine in your heart" ..... 
"I will refresh your soul" I will flood you with rest.
I sat there and just listened to this rain that was more than mere water falling from the sky. As I opened my eyes there was a little bit of light coming through my window. The darkness was gone and light was returning! 
Yes Lord bring the rain! I believe this rain to be a sign. Prophetic rain of what is to come! .... I want to be filled!
For the first time ... I welcome the rain with arms wide open! come and renew us lord! we are in desperate need of you!